‘Tap isn’t just dance; it’s a way for me to communicate’

As an autistic individual, I've always delved into my special interests with vigour and enthusiasm. I love reading, cats, knitting, crochet and music. However, my first and most established special interest is dance. I started when I was three years old, in a local dance school who taught me ballet, modern, contemporary, jazz and my favourite: tap. 

I could rave for hours about how I love tap – the sound on the ground that's familiar and calming, the release of tension when tapping, my joy in making all the right movements and how it helps me be creative. I'm told I'm a fast learner – this compliment should be awarded to my autistic self. 

Of course, there are plenty of tap dancers that are not autistic, but I believe my autism has helped me be a better dancer. I can listen to someone tapping, understand and visualise the moves and replicate them due to my own detail-focused processing. I also use it as a form of stimming: I remember practicing shuffles and three-beat riffs under the table during my school exams as a teenager and banging my knee on the table!

The physical side of tap helps release my nervousness in social situations, but there's another benefit; it helps my situational mutism. I have always struggled to speak if I'm in a new or strange environment outside my home or when I am masking. I wouldn't speak to anyone who spoke to me, except on exceedingly rare occasions. This was the case for a long time at dance class; but being good at tap and visibly enjoying it opened the door to coping socially and developing strategies to help me engage socially. Once, after completing a routine, I was asked how I memorise the steps so quickly. Because I was being asked about something I had confidence, I was able to speak. Tap isn't just dance; it's an escape and a way for me to communicate.

Special interests have always had a significant impact on the way I live my life, and I do believe that engaging in these have enhanced my way of life in so many ways. Learning how to socialise, because of my special interests allowed me to attend university, something which I had aspired to do from being young but never thought possible. However, when I arrived at university to study my BSc in psychology, I very quickly felt overwhelmed.

Burnout and exhaustion

I remember my first year well. I started university during the Covid-19 pandemic, and straight away noticed the struggle to be social, even online. I found it hard engaging with others on my course. After lockdown lifted, my stress levels increased, going from online lessons and being able to focus more on my workload, to being hit by a wave of extreme social pressure as everyone else began to attend in-person sessions. I felt burnt out and exhausted and as a result, didn't keep up with my special interests of dance and reading. Because of the stress, I was neglecting the very things that supported me to stay well when I was stressed.

As time went on, I gradually got used to being in-person for lectures and seminars and my wellbeing began to improve, partly because I had a new special interest – psychology! My ability to 'hyperfocus' on psychological theories as points of discussion allowed me to focus less on making a good impression through masking techniques and more on why I loved the subject. I realised that I could relate to others on my course who felt the same way. 

Once I had learnt that I did enjoy learning about psychology, I went on to take MSc in Developmental Psychology. During both university degrees, I struggled to find time where I wasn't exhausted or busy with the university workload to engage in my special interests. This resulted in me not reading any books purely for leisure during my entire time in academia. Once both my degrees were over, I had to rediscover my love of reading, but now my interest is vastly different to before – I now enjoy many new genres, such as autobiographies, classical reading and non-fiction. The 'then' and 'now' split my mind had created, means I mourn the book lover of before, but also appreciate the book lover I am now. 

With my other special interest of dance, even though I have a new joy and appreciation for the sport since returning to it post-study, I believe that my wellbeing could have been protected by engaging with it as I studied. I don't think I would have struggled at the beginning of university had I kept up dancing as part of my schedule. Monotropism – the concept of autistic minds having fewer interests at a given time, leaving less room for other processes (Murray, 2020), supports my experience during my degree as I mainly focused on psychology as an interest and temporarily left behind my other interests in reading and dance.   

Special interests to support wellbeing

Many studies have highlighted the positive and negative impacts of using special interests to help autistic individuals have better overall mental wellbeing. Grove et al. (2018) found that autistic adults that were motivated to engage in their special interests reported higher increased wellbeing and satisfaction across life genres including social contact. Grove's findings suggest that autistic students at university who struggle with maintaining motivation to engage with their special interests, may find that they also have trouble in both the personal and social aspects of university. 

Another study (Cage et al., 2020) found that autistic students were more likely to struggle with their university study if their chosen subject didn't connect with their special interests. And an autobiographical study (Boven, 2018) found that special interests can help to enhance an autistic person's experience at university and boost feelings of inclusion. As monotropism suggests, special interests facilitate an alternative strength which can be used in problem solving and learning, and is particularly useful in a university setting. Crucially, being allowed to celebrate special interests from a young age can enhance our experience of learning to enjoy learning.

Special interests as oxygen

There are many campaigners who spread the word on the positive impact of special interests – for example, Ellie Middleton's book unmasked: the ultimate guide to ADHD, autism and neurodivergence, uses the quote "In a world that isn't always the kindest to autistic people, special interests provide a safe place where we can unmask, be ourselves, not worry about 'getting things wrong', and feel real, true, autistic joy". I think this encompasses the positive that engaging in special interests can provide, with many notable writings demonstrating benefits in areas of employment productivity (Kirchner & Dziobek, 2014) and education success (MacLeod et al., 2018). 

Another such campaigner (Authentically Emily) explains that "Autistic special interests are like oxygen. They are necessary for many of us to function in this world, almost like an in-built coping strategy that our brains have created for us." This clearly highlights my experience of needing my special interests to support verbal conversation with my peers at university and develop it as a coping mechanism to build confidence in speaking to those I am not familiar with. I would recommend all professionals read and educate themselves on the autistic lived experience. 

• See also our neurodivergence collection.