We give kids mixed messages about lying

Our attitude to children lying is inconsistent. Children can sometimes be honest in situations where we would really rather they weren’t – not lying about a Christmas present they don’t like, for example – after which they might be scolded. But we also put an emphasis on encouraging children to tell the truth (even though we, ourselves, lie).

A new study, published in the Journal of Moral Education, looks more closely at how adults perceive children who lie and tell the truth. And, despite the fact truth-telling is generally seen as a positive thing, adults actually preferred children who lied politely to those who bluntly told the truth.

The team recruited 438 adult participants for the study, 142 of whom were parents. Participants saw eight videos showing various different scenarios, in which a child either told a blunt lie (e.g. said a sibling’s musical performance was the best they had ever heard, despite being terrible), a blunt truth (said it was terrible), a subtle lie (said the performance was ‘pretty good’) or a subtle truth (said the performance was ‘not great’). In some scenarios (such as the musical performance scenario) the child lied to be polite, while in others they lied to protect someone from unpleasant consequences (e.g. lying to their parents about a sibling’s whereabouts).

After viewing each video, participants rated the child on various characteristics, including those related directly to trustworthiness and those related to character more generally (e.g. friendliness and intelligence). They also indicated whether or not the child was believable, and the extent to which they would punish or reward the child if they were his or her parent.

In scenarios where lying would protect the child’s sibling, participants generally judged children who lied more negatively compared to those who were honest. Children who told blunt truths were rated more negatively than those who told subtle truths - but they were also considered more trustworthy. Liars were more likely to be punished than truth-tellers – particularly if they were blunt liars.

Yet, the motivation behind the lie seemed to be important to participants’ judgments. In scenarios where a lie could be considered polite, subtle truth-tellers were again judged most positively – but this time both blunt and subtle liars were rated more positively than blunt truth tellers (though liars were still rated as less trustworthy than those who told the truth). Liars were more likely to be punished than subtle truth-tellers, but not blunt truth-tellers.

Overall, the study indicates that we have an inconsistent approach to truth-telling and lying in kids, and that this is related to children’s motivations. When a child was lying to be polite they were viewed positively and were likely to be rewarded; when they lied to protect their sibling they were more likely to be punished. Furthermore, while being bluntly honest often made children seem less likeable, it also made them seem more trustworthy. This may offer, the team suggests, an insight into the seemingly contradictory messaging children receive around truth telling.

Future research could look at parents’ responses to their own children: how do parents actually punish or reward children for lying? This may also offer additional insight into where and why children choose to lie, as well as the (potentially very mixed) messages they receive about when it’s good to tell the truth.