Feelings of guilt make for better apologies, new study finds

Published in the British Journal of Social Psychology journal, the study highlights the stark difference in feelings of guilt depending on a person's moral compass.

In three studies, which examined the subject's view of their own moral identity, the quality of apology they offered and the impact of guilt on the apology, researchers found that the lower a sense of person's moral identity, the less likely they are to apologise. And, the lower we feel our chances of forgiveness to be, the briefer our apology.

Working with 684 participants across the three studies, they found that while it is common to resist apologising – typically because we find it humbling and open ourselves up to punishment – participants had tended to say sorry when the potential benefits of a restored relationship outweighed the negatives. In particular most had apologised when they believed they were likely to be forgiven.

However, those who had a strong sense of moral identity were more willing to make a fuller apology even when they thought that their chances of forgiveness were low. This is because failing to live up to their core values had made them feel more distressed. As such those who felt guiltier were more likely to give better apologies and consequently experience forgiveness and healing.

Tatiana Iwai, lead researcher on the study said: "Transgressions are inevitable in everyday experiences. Therefore it's important to understand the factors which help us reconcile when we wrong others, and to also understand those feelings and factors which might hold us back from apologising and reconciling.

"Our findings highlight a new way of encouraging reconciliation, via activating that sense of moral identity. We found that encouraging individuals to recall personal past events in which they behaved morally, and triggering feelings of guilt when they didn't, increased their willingness to provide fuller apologies and, as a result, help to repair their relationships."