‘How are you?’: talking about cancer

Understanding the difficulties people have with talking about cancer may assist not only the person with cancer but health professionals and those who care for cancer patients. It may help them figure out how support from friends and family may be most beneficial.

These were the findings of a study by Rosemary Chapman, a PhD student at Loughborough University, presented onThursday 7 September 2000, at The British Psychological Society’s Division of Health Psychology Annual Conference, held at the University of Kent at Canterbury.

Cancer is generally a sensitive topic to talk about and sometimes it is difficult for friends and family to know what to say to someone who has it. Using recorded in-depth interviews with cancer patients, this research asked what happens when people with cancer speak with family and friends.

It identifies how they manage some of the difficulties they encounter. Even managing normal everyday greetings such as being asked ‘how are you?’ could be problematic for someone with cancer. Sometimes, responding with how they actually are may create a problem for the person they are talking to since that person is wondering how should they react. Consequently, the person with cancer is often faced with an additional predicament; how do they deal with other people’s difficulties of not knowing what to say or how to respond?

Some of the ways that were found included making implications about how they may want their friend or relative to respond, or using a number of methods such as bringing up another topic, or providing a stereotyped response such as, ‘I’m fine’. Such responses however, may not always be so helpful for the person with cancer.

Such an analysis of what goes on in conversation between a person with cancer and their friend or relative may help health professionals and carers understand how and in what way our relationships may be helpful to those suffering from an illness such as cancer.